Beoordeling van een script voor een strip of graphic novel

Overall impression

The voice is the strongest thing here: warm, a little wry, with a clear sense of the harbour town. The mystery itself starts too late. The body is found on page 19; until then we have two chapters of setup that are pleasant but low on tension.

Plot and structure

• Chapter 1 introduces Nell's bookshop, her cat, her ex-husband and the festival committee. Four threads at once, none with a question attached.
• The lighthouse keeper's death would work far better as the end of chapter 1, not the middle of chapter 3.
• The festival deadline is a good ticking clock. Mention it early and keep returning to it.

Characters and dialogue

Nell is likeable, but mostly passive in the opening: things happen near her rather than because of her. Give her one small choice in chapter 1 that has consequences later.

Dialogue is natural, but characters often explain what both already know:

"As you know, Nell, the lighthouse has been closed since the storm three years ago."

Suggested: "Still closed?" Nell nodded at the lighthouse. "Three years, and they still haven't fixed the door."

Style and language

• Strong sensory details: "the smell of tar and lemon soap" sets the scene in six words.
• Overuse of "just" (41 times) and "suddenly" (12 times) softens tension.
• Several long paragraphs of backstory in chapter 2 (pp. 11–13) stop the scene; spread them across later chapters.

What works

• The cat, Admiral, is a charming running joke without stealing scenes
• The town feels lived in; secondary characters are distinct from first appearance
• Nell's humour fits the genre perfectly

Revision plan

1. Move the discovery of the body to the end of chapter 1; cut or compress what comes before
2. Give Nell a decision in chapter 1 (e.g., she lends the keeper a book that is later found with him)
3. Remove "as you know" exchanges; let the reader infer
4. Search and trim "just" and "suddenly" by at least half
5. Move backstory from chapter 2 into short flashes later in the book
6. Plant the festival deadline in the first two pages